Saturday, January 12, 2008
scribbled by anna katrina
10:58 PM | 0 comments
10:58 PM | 0 comments
backing off and moving on
It’s never easy letting go of something you’ve already learned to love or walking away from a place you’ve grown to know so well. But most of the time, experiences show us that there is always a time to leave, especially if it feels right to do so.
I’ve been at the edge of a cliff for the longest time. And although I’ve grown to love the thrill of being in the predicament of deciding whether to jump off or back away, it’s driven me to lose perspective of a lot of things.
I knew I was never going to jump – I was too much of a coward to actually do it. But I chose to keep it an option, while imagining how it could be if I finally do it. Whether I was going to fall flat on my face, or if by some miracle, fly. I’d always envision the latter, yet I knew the first one was more likely.
Backing away was apparently the more mature and logical thing to do, and somehow I know I’d wind up doing just that – it was only a matter of time. And whenever it would hurt so much I couldn’t take it, and I’d finally get the nerve to give up, I find myself looking back, and putting myself in the same position all over again.
For a year, I’ve been going ceaselessly through the same ordeal. Some of my friends thought I was crazy, while a few close ones flippantly said I was a masochist. And they’re not far from the truth. Even I think I was the stupidest person alive – way beyond reason. Yet, I chose to continue the insanity.
But it’s the end of the line. I’m done.
And no – this isn’t one of those times. I know I’ve had enough. And I found this out, not in the instance that I felt so much pain and helplessness that giving up was the only recourse. No, I knew I was ready to go in that very moment when I felt strong enough to finally face the truth.
In pain, I’m in my weakest, and the more I succumb to the thing that causes the weakness. But it was when everything was going fine, when I was surrounded by people who made me feel so loved, that I got a glimpse of happiness even without being able to fly. For so long, I’ve stayed in that cliff, thinking that at least, I was hoping to take a chance. I’ve held on to what I felt was the only thing worth caring about and paid no attention to other more important things. Evidently, I was wrong… dead wrong.
Now, I’m gradually backing off, step by step. No hesitations this time. Not even a little.
But no regrets. I’m even thankful for what happened, because I was able to know myself even more, and I was able to appreciate everything I have.
As for flying, I’ll get there.
I’ve been at the edge of a cliff for the longest time. And although I’ve grown to love the thrill of being in the predicament of deciding whether to jump off or back away, it’s driven me to lose perspective of a lot of things.
I knew I was never going to jump – I was too much of a coward to actually do it. But I chose to keep it an option, while imagining how it could be if I finally do it. Whether I was going to fall flat on my face, or if by some miracle, fly. I’d always envision the latter, yet I knew the first one was more likely.
Backing away was apparently the more mature and logical thing to do, and somehow I know I’d wind up doing just that – it was only a matter of time. And whenever it would hurt so much I couldn’t take it, and I’d finally get the nerve to give up, I find myself looking back, and putting myself in the same position all over again.
For a year, I’ve been going ceaselessly through the same ordeal. Some of my friends thought I was crazy, while a few close ones flippantly said I was a masochist. And they’re not far from the truth. Even I think I was the stupidest person alive – way beyond reason. Yet, I chose to continue the insanity.
But it’s the end of the line. I’m done.
And no – this isn’t one of those times. I know I’ve had enough. And I found this out, not in the instance that I felt so much pain and helplessness that giving up was the only recourse. No, I knew I was ready to go in that very moment when I felt strong enough to finally face the truth.
In pain, I’m in my weakest, and the more I succumb to the thing that causes the weakness. But it was when everything was going fine, when I was surrounded by people who made me feel so loved, that I got a glimpse of happiness even without being able to fly. For so long, I’ve stayed in that cliff, thinking that at least, I was hoping to take a chance. I’ve held on to what I felt was the only thing worth caring about and paid no attention to other more important things. Evidently, I was wrong… dead wrong.
Now, I’m gradually backing off, step by step. No hesitations this time. Not even a little.
But no regrets. I’m even thankful for what happened, because I was able to know myself even more, and I was able to appreciate everything I have.
As for flying, I’ll get there.
Friday, January 04, 2008
scribbled by anna katrina
10:10 PM | 4 comments
10:10 PM | 4 comments
debate year wrap up
2007 is definitely the best debate year for me. I managed to improve considerably - which I thought was practically impossible because of my lack of experience and utter dislike for matterloading. Hehe. Well, in the end, I was able to surprise even myself with a few debate successes.
1. For the first time in a year of debating, I earned my right to be in Silliman A in the Visayan Universities Debate Championship held last February. This was quite an achievement for me since the society was and still is full of awesome debaters who are team A quality. I topped the tabs in powermatching, so I was teamed up with Stacy and Juliana who were national quarterfinalists. Wow. Unfortunately though, we didn't win the championship (team B - Odie, Gers and Kristi got to the finals), but I was just really grateful for the opportunity to represent Silliman. =)
2. Also in that month, we were able to successfully host the VUDC with little help from our Coach, organize the first DIP Debate Championship and the first elementary debate in Dumaguete. This was really great for our society, both personally and professionally.
3. In May, I was able to go to the 3rd Asian Universities Debate Championship in Indonesia. I was part of the sole team Silliman sent, together with Charms and Stacy. It was the first time that I competed outside of the country, and the results of that tournament were just overwhelming. We went up against really good teams from UP Diliman, La Salle, International Islamic University of Malaysia, National University of Singapore, and Mahidol Thailand, four of which broke into the octos. We also set a new record for Silliman in the AUDC, 4 wins - 3 losses. Our team ranked 20th, just four teams away from the breaks. Plus, we made friends with other Philippine debaters I was usually just intimidated with. It was just a great experience. =)
4. One day, out of impulse hehe, I decided to send emails to a few debaters in Mindanao, asking them about a possible Visayas-Mindanao Debate Championship. The response was great, and all of a sudden, my crazy idea became a reality in July. By far, the VMDC is the BEST tournament I've been to. It was just a great tournament for me - in terms of performance, in terms of making friends from the debate community, etc. VMDC forged an alliance, I tell you - that is, between the Visayas and Mindanao debate communities. Not to mention, Odie and I were able to break 3rd at the quarter finals (my first break), and I was awarded the Top 6 best debater, behind the champion team, our team A and Henry Segovia. Whoa... It was an awesome feeling. I can't wait to debate again in next year's tournament.
5. Self-training for debate is hard. Just imagine training other people for it! This year, for the first time, I adopted a school - the RTPM Dumaguete Science High School. I had a blast training and coaching these kids - I see really great potential in them. And they did pretty well in the debates they joined, and I couldn't be prouder... =) I'm looking forward to training them some more for next year's tournaments. Watch out for these kids. (haha. I feel like their mom!)
6. The National Debate Championship in Baguio is probably the most memorable debate experience I will ever have. I've never been more challenged and more stressed! It was an interesting experience, I tell you. The pressure, coupled with hard motions and even harder opponents can really drain you. And seven consecutive rounds of all that is just torture. But what I got out of my first Nationals will forever be treasured. I met great debaters from all over the country and I'm just purely grateful for the experience. And oh ya, Odie and I broke into the Octofinals! Not bad for my first NDC, huh? I'm never missing a tournament again. Hehe.
7. I was on national TV... twice! All thanks to debating. Together with Gerswane and Kristi, we took on Yedah, Bernice and Ardie from UP Cebu and Marj, Sam and Tateen from Ateneo De Davao in NBN's Youth Voice. It was really cool. Plus, we had free lodging and food from NYC, and allowance from the school, so we never had to spend a single centavo. On January 23, Kristi, Noel and myself are also going to compete in ANC's SQUARE OFF so watch out for that! =) Seeing yourself on TV is kinda weird, but really cool.
8. Well, the Sandurot Cup still isn't over, but the eliminations went well. We had a perfect break! Haha. Kristi and Noel are just great teammates and we hope to win the championship this month. I'm glad Dumaguete City is really investing in debating. I hope the debate community here continues to grow. =)
9. Organizing is never easy. This December, I had to organize the 2nd Dumaguete Inter-School Parliamentary Debate Championship. I had a lot of plans - I wanted 10 schools to join, and I would gladly train every beginner school if needed. I planned a television coverage, sponsors, and lots more. Unfortunately, those were high hopes for a tourney such as that. It still went great though. Some debaters even said it was perfect (haha, ya right). But whatever the feedbacks were, I was just glad it was over - and that it actually pushed through. This would be the first time that I was the main organizer, the tournament director, the food committee, awards committee, logistics, the registration person, the tabs person and the photographer. Plus, I also trained two high schools for the tournament. Whew. But it was so fun. I'd be glad to do it again and again. Haha.
10. Lastly, the society. I got to know more about a lot of my colleagues. And I was able to meet new debaters who have really impressed me with their abilities. Though there were bumps in our relationships, we tried our best to cope and patch things up. Mark really encouraged us to put our relationships above all, we wouldn't want to end up like the Debate Congress who later on split up because of too much bickering. And I do agree. So, even though we weren't a perfect society, I'm still glad we went through all that drama. Made us better people, and better friends.
It was a great debate year. I hope next year tops all of these. =)
1. For the first time in a year of debating, I earned my right to be in Silliman A in the Visayan Universities Debate Championship held last February. This was quite an achievement for me since the society was and still is full of awesome debaters who are team A quality. I topped the tabs in powermatching, so I was teamed up with Stacy and Juliana who were national quarterfinalists. Wow. Unfortunately though, we didn't win the championship (team B - Odie, Gers and Kristi got to the finals), but I was just really grateful for the opportunity to represent Silliman. =)
2. Also in that month, we were able to successfully host the VUDC with little help from our Coach, organize the first DIP Debate Championship and the first elementary debate in Dumaguete. This was really great for our society, both personally and professionally.
3. In May, I was able to go to the 3rd Asian Universities Debate Championship in Indonesia. I was part of the sole team Silliman sent, together with Charms and Stacy. It was the first time that I competed outside of the country, and the results of that tournament were just overwhelming. We went up against really good teams from UP Diliman, La Salle, International Islamic University of Malaysia, National University of Singapore, and Mahidol Thailand, four of which broke into the octos. We also set a new record for Silliman in the AUDC, 4 wins - 3 losses. Our team ranked 20th, just four teams away from the breaks. Plus, we made friends with other Philippine debaters I was usually just intimidated with. It was just a great experience. =)
4. One day, out of impulse hehe, I decided to send emails to a few debaters in Mindanao, asking them about a possible Visayas-Mindanao Debate Championship. The response was great, and all of a sudden, my crazy idea became a reality in July. By far, the VMDC is the BEST tournament I've been to. It was just a great tournament for me - in terms of performance, in terms of making friends from the debate community, etc. VMDC forged an alliance, I tell you - that is, between the Visayas and Mindanao debate communities. Not to mention, Odie and I were able to break 3rd at the quarter finals (my first break), and I was awarded the Top 6 best debater, behind the champion team, our team A and Henry Segovia. Whoa... It was an awesome feeling. I can't wait to debate again in next year's tournament.
5. Self-training for debate is hard. Just imagine training other people for it! This year, for the first time, I adopted a school - the RTPM Dumaguete Science High School. I had a blast training and coaching these kids - I see really great potential in them. And they did pretty well in the debates they joined, and I couldn't be prouder... =) I'm looking forward to training them some more for next year's tournaments. Watch out for these kids. (haha. I feel like their mom!)
6. The National Debate Championship in Baguio is probably the most memorable debate experience I will ever have. I've never been more challenged and more stressed! It was an interesting experience, I tell you. The pressure, coupled with hard motions and even harder opponents can really drain you. And seven consecutive rounds of all that is just torture. But what I got out of my first Nationals will forever be treasured. I met great debaters from all over the country and I'm just purely grateful for the experience. And oh ya, Odie and I broke into the Octofinals! Not bad for my first NDC, huh? I'm never missing a tournament again. Hehe.
7. I was on national TV... twice! All thanks to debating. Together with Gerswane and Kristi, we took on Yedah, Bernice and Ardie from UP Cebu and Marj, Sam and Tateen from Ateneo De Davao in NBN's Youth Voice. It was really cool. Plus, we had free lodging and food from NYC, and allowance from the school, so we never had to spend a single centavo. On January 23, Kristi, Noel and myself are also going to compete in ANC's SQUARE OFF so watch out for that! =) Seeing yourself on TV is kinda weird, but really cool.
8. Well, the Sandurot Cup still isn't over, but the eliminations went well. We had a perfect break! Haha. Kristi and Noel are just great teammates and we hope to win the championship this month. I'm glad Dumaguete City is really investing in debating. I hope the debate community here continues to grow. =)
9. Organizing is never easy. This December, I had to organize the 2nd Dumaguete Inter-School Parliamentary Debate Championship. I had a lot of plans - I wanted 10 schools to join, and I would gladly train every beginner school if needed. I planned a television coverage, sponsors, and lots more. Unfortunately, those were high hopes for a tourney such as that. It still went great though. Some debaters even said it was perfect (haha, ya right). But whatever the feedbacks were, I was just glad it was over - and that it actually pushed through. This would be the first time that I was the main organizer, the tournament director, the food committee, awards committee, logistics, the registration person, the tabs person and the photographer. Plus, I also trained two high schools for the tournament. Whew. But it was so fun. I'd be glad to do it again and again. Haha.
10. Lastly, the society. I got to know more about a lot of my colleagues. And I was able to meet new debaters who have really impressed me with their abilities. Though there were bumps in our relationships, we tried our best to cope and patch things up. Mark really encouraged us to put our relationships above all, we wouldn't want to end up like the Debate Congress who later on split up because of too much bickering. And I do agree. So, even though we weren't a perfect society, I'm still glad we went through all that drama. Made us better people, and better friends.
It was a great debate year. I hope next year tops all of these. =)
